Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Movies: Silent Hill: Revelation

You know those movies that come around every so often that are so bad that they're funny? Silent Hill: Revelation is one of those movies.

I don't know what it is, but movies based off of video games are usually horrendous. I don't know what possessed me to go see this, but I did anyways. Maybe it was because the first Silent Hill was ok.

So, Silent Hill: Revelation follows Heather and Eddard Stark Harry Mason, Harry Mason being the husband of Rose from the first movie, as they try and settle into a new town under the guise of Sharon and Christopher Da Silva.

Why are they on the run? Because a cult from Silent Hill is looking for Heather and they wanna bring her back so that she can be the capsule for the cult's new god... or something like that.

Day one, Heather goes to school and meets Jon Snow Vincent, then she returns home to find that her dad is missing and finger painted on the wall with blood, a message: "Come to Silent Hill". So then begins the adventure to Silent Hill, so that Heather can retrieve her father and figure out the truth behind everything.

That's the shorten version of it. The entire movie I was completely confused, the plot was messy and a lot of the actions from the characters in this movie didn't make sense.

For example: two Silent Hill Cult guards walk into a horrified, rusty emergency room with a man on a gurney. Inside this ER, are creepy nurses that cannot see, and only respond to sound. So these guards roll this gurney in causing all sorts of audible ruckus, stirring the nurses.

When the nurses wake, they slash at anything and everything.

You'd think that being a guard, in Silent Hill, for however many years, and knowing the location of this room, you would know that there are blind psychopath nurses that slash at any sounds.

You'd think when pushing the gurney into the room, they'd do it with extreme caution so that they don't get stabbed and mutilated.

Nope. Instead they ram the stupid gurney into the room and start screaming at the nurses trying to push them back with their hands and cattle prod acting like they're SWAT in a giant riot. But of course, the nurses overwhelm the guards and do what they do, which is stab and mutilate.

What did you expect? Was this your first time coming into contact with these nurses? Who hired you?

Anyways, that didn't make sense and to think that this was just one scene. Try and hour and a half of this stuff.

I guess on the upside, if you stop trying to make sense of the movie, it becomes really funny, but unintentionally, because this is a scary spooky horror movie.

But what makes me the most sad is that Sean Bean and Kit Harrington are fantastic actors. They have the chops and you can see that in Game of Thrones. In this movie they seem like B-Movie actors trying their hardest to mask their English accents.

Should you go see it? No man, just go to Hi-Tech Gametraders, fork over the same amount as you would for a ticket and play the game(s).

Case and Point
Silent Hill: Revelation is: as confusing as realizing that girls don't have cooties anymore.

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